Wednesday, April 21, 2010

10 Tips For Single Moms Raising Girls

Back by popular demand. Last week, I shared my 10 Tips For Single Moms Raising Boys. To be fair, this week, I'm going to share my tips for moms raising girls. As stated before, I have tremendous respect and love for single moms. For a good portion of my life, I was raised by my mother. For all the moms out there (married or single), I hope these nuggets of wisdom help when it comes to raising girls. I have a little girl myself and I know the importance of being a good parent for young ladies. Enjoy!

1) Don't punish the girl because you see things in her that you hate about yourself. Learn how to deal with YOU first so you can more effectively help her.

2) Being hard on her doesn't automatically equate a virtuous young woman. I'm not implying to let her do anything, heaven forbid, however; I'm implying that you should provide structure and boundaries, but not act as a prison warden.

3) Don't live your life through your daughter. Just because you were a cheerleader, doesn't mean she has to be one. Just because you were in the band, doesn't mean that she has to play an instrument.

4)When it comes to boys, she is looking at you to see how you treat (your husband, boyfriend, etc). She is listening to how you talk about men (good or bad) and this is what she is going to model in her life.

5) You can control what she wears. It's important that you train your daughter to have value in herself, long before someone "whispers in her ear." Don't say, I can't help what she wears or does. This is the door way for a long life of regrets for your daughter.

6) Just because you may have had bad experiences with men and/or relationships, don't raise your daughter to hate men, or be distrusting of everyone that she meets for the rest of her life. She is not you, even though she may have some of your traits and attributes. You can't raise her to be a "second you."

7) Build her self esteem continually with positive words and affirmations. She needs to know that she is complete all by herself and that she doesn't have to go looking for wholeness in another person or thing.

8) Spend time with her outside of school, housework, and the day to day, especially when she get older. She may not say it, but she still needs you. Spend some quality time, go out to eat, to the park, for a walk. You can't get those moments back once they are gone.

9) Raise your daughter in love and NOT fear. When you fear if she is going to get pregnant, meet the wrong guy, make the same bad choices you made, that's often what we attract. Raise her with the love of God and the faith to know that after you have done all that you can do, God will intervene and bring it all back to her remembrance.

10) Teach her how to love herself, love God, and how to remain pure and virtuous in a society where everyone is compromising. Remember, when you teach your teach your daughter's daughter.
Mom's as an added bonus, I have included this great poem below as food for thought. Also, don't forget to comment on my blog post as well as follow this blog:

If I had my child to raise over again

If I had my child to raise over again I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger paint more and point fingers less. I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging. I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power, And more about the power of love
Diane Loomans

Moms, I hope you enjoyed my tips. Comment and let me know what you think.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

10 Tips For Single Moms Raising Boys

I have tremendous respect and love for single moms. For a good portion of my life, I was raised by my mother. For all the single moms out there (with young men at home), I want to provide 10 Tips For Raising Boys:

1) Don't disrespect his father around him. Even if you don't get along with the father, you are attacking his maleness when you put the father down around your son.

2) Teach him how to manage money (ex. balance a checkbook, save, give to charities, and invest). If you don't know how, take him to someone that does know so he can learn.

3) Don't allow him to see you dating multiple guys. Even though you might not be "doing anything" it sends a wrong message. I'm not saying that "mommy can't get her groove on", I'm saying that it sends a a subconscious message to your son that men can come in and out of your life, and it's ok.

4) Teach him what I call the man fundamentals (ex. To tie a necktie, to iron, to shave, to wash clothes, to maintain proper hygiene). You may be saying, well, I don't know how to do some of those things. Mom, you are it, so you have to learn or at least get a uncle, church member or someone that can ensure that your son has these necessary skills.

5) Don't push him to just go to college and get a job, but teach him how to think for himself, explore his artistic and creative side and understand the power of being an entrepreneur.

6) Don't buy and give to your son out of guilt or because you didn't have it.
Teach your son to value what he has and what he is given so he can learn to appreciate everything.

7) Teach him to not just go to church, but develop a personal relationship with God. This is key, because many single moms keep their young men in church, thinking that church is the solution. Actually the solution is showing him what a personal relationship with God means and he needs to see you model that at home.

8) Teach him that his life is not about being "better than his dad", but it's about being the person that he is destined to be. Tell him that he has traits from both of his parents, but God has made him a unique person with unique abilities.

9) Teach him that relationships are about unconditional love, but most importantly, responsibility. Therefore, don't allow 15 minutes of passion to turn into 18 years of responsibility.

10) Teach him that "his past doesn't determine his future". Show him that he can't control his situations that he was born into, but he can control what's ahead of him in life.

Moms, I hope you enjoyed my tips. Comment and let me know what you think.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Alton Jamison’s Group Coaching Call (For New Speakers)

I will be launching a monthly group coaching call for new speakers. The format of the call allows you to follow a solid, step-by-step system over a 10 month period. I've been speaking for over a decade and one of my passions is to pour back into the lives of up and coming speakers that truly believe they have a message and a passion to help others. I have been very fortunate and I want to share what I consider the vital principles to succeed in the business of Professional Speaking.

Who Is This For:
• This program is developed for people who are NEW to the speaking industry or just getting started as a speaker. IF YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A MESSAGE, BUT DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START, THEN THIS PROGRAM IS FOR YOU!
• If you are part-time in this business with a desire to one day be full time, then this is the program for you.
• If you need a good mentor that can give you personalized attention to help you on your journey, then this is the program for you.
• If you are unclear in your message, your marketing or just how to get paid (and paid well) for doing what you love, then this program is for you.
• If you enjoy sitting in your PJs as you listen to powerful information over the phone with the ability to ask questions, without having to travel; then this is the program for you
• This is not for everyone, only people that are ready to make a SERIOUS commitment to becoming a speaker and changing the lives of others.

What’s included in your membership:
• Limited class size-only 15 people
• Three, one-on-one coaching calls (30 minutes each) with Alton to help ensure you are on track
• One 60 minute group coaching call per month with an open forum to have all of your burning questions answered (PLUS: Receive the audio files from each call)
• VIP invitation to Alton events
• Samples of emails/contracts that Alton has used to book engagements
• Access to some of Alton’s team (ex. Graphic Artist, Photographers, etc)
• Private email address to contact Alton
• 50% discount to Alton’s signature speaking events (ex. Speaker Boot Camps, etc.)
• Networking opportunities with other speakers from across the country
• Learn from other guest experts that will occasionally join the call

What Will Be Covered:
• Baby Steps (How to go from speaking for “Free” to speaking for a “Fee”)
• Building websites that separates you from the competition
• Developing your Identity/Brand
• Developing a “Killer Keynote”
• Setting and Negotiating Fees
• Developing Products (ex. Books, Workbooks, CDs, etc.)
• Marketing (The Good, The Bad, The Ugly)
• The Speaking Industry and the various markets
• Speaker Bureaus
• Social Networking
• Travel/Logistics
• Contracts
• Videos
• Testimonials/Reviews
• Hiring a Team to help you reach your goals
• How to influence decision makers and meeting planners
• What to work on daily, to ensure your success
• The business side aspect (ex. Taxes, Accounting, etc.)

I understand exactly where you are and where you want to go. I remember being in school and listening to speakers on stage, saying to myself, “I can do that…”. I know what it’s like to want something so bad, but you just don’t know where to start. I went from dreaming to creating a tremendous amount of success in a short period of time. Some of the things that I have been able to do were:
• Published my first book, No More Handcuffs: 5 Keys To Removing The Mental Handcuffs From Your Life
• Speak to multiple conferences and schools across the nation to thousands of people
• Spoke over 80 times in the last 12 months
• Jeff Johnson (BET/Tom Joyner Morning Show) selected me to be a part of his new Speaker’s Bureau (New Voices)
• Launched a critically acclaimed website and marketing material
• Signature keynote presentation, “No More Handcuffs” has been considered one of the best keynotes in the country
• Left a successful career as an Engineer to become a full time Professional Speaker
• Campus Calm (college website) ranked me as one of the top speakers for 2010

My passion is to help people achieve their dreams. When you succeed, I succeed. Because of the amount of time and energy involved in this coaching, this could easily cost thousands of dollars. I know where you are and how funds can be very limited, especially when you are just getting started. I have designed this program to be very affordable for everyone. When I know some speakers that charge 20K to 100K per year to coach people, this is an amazing deal! You have the option of trying to “figure this business out” or learn from my success and failures to help your journey be even smoother!

$79/month for 10 months or 1 payment of $600 (savings of $190!) (April 2010-January 2011)

I am limiting this opportunity to only 15 people. It’s truly first come, first serve. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to get a high level of information for a very low cost.

For the first 5 people that register, Alton is offering a FREE month of one on one coaching (4-one hour sessions-$1199 value!)
If you choose to pay monthly. Then, each month, on the same day, the credit card/debit card you provide will be billed for your charges. A receipt will come to you via e-mail. If there is a problem with the charge (ie: expiration date runs out) simply use the link provided to update your card when you receive the notice via e-mail and your membership will remain current.

The PayPal Links are below:
$79 Monthly Link:

$600 One Time Fee (Save $190)

The calls will start later this month, but registration is open NOW. Once you register, I will contact you personally and talk with you about your expectations, questions that you may have, as well as, share the call information with you. Each call will be one-hour (at a minimum) in length.

Feel free to email me at if you have any additional questions.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Power of Positive Affirmations

Affirmations are powerful. Never under estimate the power of "positive speaking". Many people spend a lot of time talking about "positive thinking", but more importantly, you have to focus on "positive speaking". When you think a positive thought, but say negative words, you immediately cancel out the positive thoughts.

Watch this short, but powerful video on the power of positive affirmations. My key points are highlighted below:

1) Understand the power of your tongue:
Your tongue is a rudder and is guiding the direction of your life. I've often heard that our lives are a sum total of all the words that we speak. It's so important to always speak positive even when you don't feel that way, because your tongue is guiding your life.

2) The power of making choices:
When you speak positive words, then it's important to match your actions with your words. For example, one of my positive affirmations says that "I am successful and because I am successful, I will not compromise my success with a lack of integrity." I'm conscious in my daily actions about making sure that I am making choices that are in line with my words.

3) What you speak is what you get:
Have you ever said, "I knew I would be late" or "I knew that I would fail this test"? You know why that happened, it happened because you spoke it. The fruit of your life is a result of the words that you speak on a daily basis.

4)Don't be "Double Minded":
There is a biblical passage in James that states, "a double minded man is unstable....and he should expect nothing..." (paraphase) In essence, a person who is positive, then negative, then positive, can't expect anything positive to happen on a consistent basis. It's so important to stay consistent with your words.

5) Daily Progress:
You have to work on your positive affirmations daily. Write you positive words down on paper. Write down how you want your life to look. Then read those "out loud" to yourself on a daily basis. Then watch the transformation in your life.